


Hats, Everywhere

by Sei_Bellissima



Category: SteamWorld Dig (Video Games), SteamWorld Heist
Genre: Gen, Hats, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-18 09:56:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21274265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sei_Bellissima/pseuds/Sei_Bellissima
Summary: Dorothy always wondered why Piper's crew had so many hats and frankly, she'd rather have learned why in literally any other situation.—"anonymous said: Piper and Dorothy having a silly argument over hats"
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7
Collections: Sei's Prompt Fills





	Hats, Everywhere

**Author's Note:**

> So for context, assume that Dorothy and Rusty have met up with Piper and co. after years, and Fen’s insistence results in Piper allowing the two to stay with the crew. Only problem is that it’s a bit cramped…
> 
> Originally posted to Tumblr here: <https://sw-seibellissima.tumblr.com/post/182178546115/piper-and-dorothy-having-a-silly-argument-over>

Piper jerked her head up from her desk as she heard a clatter coming from the other room, followed by an irritated “Coggarn it!”

Sighing, she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, and quickly sorted through her paperwork, before getting up to investigate the racket. Her steps were clumsy and lethargic as she descended closest ladder, but she trusted herself enough not to misstep or fall over.

However, instead of the satisfying _clunk _she was expecting when she touched the floor, her foot made a _whumf _sound as she stepped into something very soft.

“Hats, hats, everywhere! Why do you even have so many of them?!” yelled a short Steambot, who was currently digging herself out of an ample pile of headgear. She did not look happy, steam spewing out of her vents as she flung the hats out of the way like baseballs.

_Dollie—no, Dorothy. Good grief, why can’t I remember this lady’s name?_

“Sorry miss, but I’ll have you know that we take great pride in our hat collection,” explained Piper. She bent down to gather some in her arms, planning to put them in their rightful place—that is, a precariously erected tower of hats that, while Piper knew was disastrous, was currently the only way to efficiently store them in their cramped ship.

When she stood up, however, she was surprised to find the Steambot standing in front of her, or rather, below her. Being tall had its benefits, but Piper never expected one of them to be a tiny, outraged yet adorable Steambot glaring daggers at her.

“You’re proud of all of these? _Really_?!” Dorothy said, sounding like her father had just been insulted.

“Every single one.” Piper started putting them away.

“They fall over and make a mess every other day, some of them are ratty and gross, and some of them aren’t even hats at all!”

“Says the one with goggles on her head.”

“_Where else would I put them?!_”

Piper shrugged and bent down to pick up more hats. “I dunno, your neck, maybe?” At this point it was becoming increasingly obvious that the little Steambot was not amused with how nonplussed Piper was acting. While it was funny, Dorothy was starting to grate on her nerves. After all, this was _the hat collection _they were talking about. You don’t mess with Piper and Company’s hat collection.

Dorothy let out a snarl, muted by her closed mouth, as she plucked up a hat from the ground with harsh and jerky movements. “Look at this one.”

“It’s a bird nest.”

“Yes!”

Piper stared her down, as if asking her to elaborate on her point.

“Doesn’t it seem odd to you that you would wear a living creature’s home on your head?”

“No…? Besides, whatever lived there has clearly abandoned ship.”

“_THERE ARE EGGS IN IT!_”

“Yeah, it’s a shame that two of them never hatched.”

Dorothy suddenly stopped, looking down at the nest’s contents. Two fully intact eggs were inside, but the third one…

“A baby bluebird hatched from one of them. The crew collectively agreed that our ship was no place for a baby bird to live, so Dora contacted an animal control crew and asked them to take care of it.”

Dorothy shook her head in exasperation, tossing the nest aside. Piper felt an itch of irritation at the sight, but restrained herself.

Picking up another hat, Dorothy said, “Look at this one.”

“An Octopus plushie. Let me guess, it’s a literal toy?”

“Exactly! Why would you even wear this? Why do you even have it?!”

Piper thought for a moment, but she couldn’t think of a witty comeback this time. Why did they have it, that was an easy answer, but why they wore it…

Balling her hands into tight fists, Piper became defensive. “We take everything we can get; that’s how space pirates work!” she yelled, looming over Dorothy and pointing an accusing finger in her direction

“But why do you wear it?”Dorothy repeated, putting on a smug grin. She felt rather satisfied seeing that she had finally made the normally stoic captain snap.

At that moment, Piper happened to look up from Dorothy to see Fen lurking in the back, curious about the heated discussion happening between their two best friends. At that moment, she was struck with an idea.

“You should ask your friend the same thing.”

Dorothy startled at this. “Who?” She glanced back, finding Fen waving nervously at her. “Fen?”

“Not only Fen, that copper friend of yours—”

“Rusty?! You’ve got to be kidding me. What does he have anything to do with this?!”

Piper knew from experience that the closest equivalent to cracking knuckles in a squabble was to gain a proud posture, so she straightened up, crossed her arms, and held her head high. “I’ve had a chat with him recently, and he’s quite the hat enthusiast himself. Told me he amassed a decent collection, he did. Some of them ‘aren’t even hats’ as you would put it.”

Dorothy was already gaping, looking around for Rusty to earn an explanation, but the shy little Steambot was nowhere to be found.

“One of them is a little octopus plush much like the one you hold—”

On cue, light footsteps entered the room, their owner instantly drawing stares.

There was Rusty, a cute green cephalopod plush on his head.

“What? Fen told me to try it on. I rather like it.”

Dorothy’s optics twitched.“Rusty… that’s mine.”

Judging by the varied expressions of surprise on everyone’s face, no one knew this.

“You see, Miss Dot, there isn’t a solid explanation as to why ‘we wear it,’” Piper’s voice said from behind her. “All that matters is that it fits on wearer’s head and if they are content with it.”

Dorothy looked at Piper, then Fen, then Rusty, her continuously changing expression implying that she had just gone through a battle of sorts and that she was still processing everything that happened.

“I need to be alone for a bit. Scratch that; a very, very long time.”

**Author's Note:**

> <https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/496729360406020097/547571981025804298/squishy.png>


End file.
